On June 4, 1982 I was born to my birth parents. Later they would loose custody of me and my maternal grandparents would take me into their home along with my younger brother and sister. I call them mom and dad and no they did not force this upon us this was by our choice we were old enough to know them by grandma and grandpa but we chose not to.
March 1994 we were legally adopted to my mom and dad and I became their legal daughter. April 1, 1994 we were sealed in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saint Temple in Idaho Falls, Idaho. So by the church and law I am their daughter. My mom's children and my dad's children do not think we are theirs that we "rightfully belong" to my birth mother. So they do not associate with us kids and we are not wanted by them. My children and husband does not even know most of them.
By the church I belong to their family as a sister, but according to them I am not. They do not even acknowledge me as their neice which hurts the most. I am just here. Some of them at least talk to me sometimes and three actually acknowledge that I am alive.
My adopted name is Thomas my birth name is Green and my married name is Rademacher. Only select few in the Thomas side actually acknowledge me as well. Greens don't even know I exist and my mom's other kids the Lambs don't want anything to do with me exept for three and my birth mother. The Rademachers love me because "I am their daughter in law and they are supposed to love me". So where do I fit in? I ain't a Thomas, I ain't a Green, I ain't a Lamb, and I don't fit in with the Rademachers. Where does this leave me?
It leaves me being disowned by a family who are supposed to be there for each other and to love one another. It leaves me half the time not even telling my own family the problems I am going through. It leaves me alone in the world without support or love half the time. The other half the time I only get love when I do something that someone wants me to do. I do not know what unconditional love feels like coming from my family. I only know it from the Thomas side and they are a select few who do show it to me.
My husband is the one person who understands the pain I am going through and he is always there for me. My dad used to be but he is no longer here. The one person I could talk to after my dad died also passed away. I am alone in this world with no one to help guide me to who I am and where I belong in this family. My husband can't even guide me because he married into this messed up family and thankfully was not born into it.
